She is in my trunk
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
