Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
