she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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