Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I would ride that face into the sunset
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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