he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
third nipple confirmed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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