So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
being pregnant is like rehab
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
