alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
