Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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