We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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