so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
