I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
