my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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