OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
that may or may not have been my penis.
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