Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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