she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
