i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
jump out the window naked night went bad
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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