i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
