I wish I could teleport
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
