just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
