What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
