I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I came so hard my ears popped.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
