The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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