Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
