If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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