apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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