you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
smell my finger.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
