Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
