i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
