Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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