508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
