You're so nebulous sometimes
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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