I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
