At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
