so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
