Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
