I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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