10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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