dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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