i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
