rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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