Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
