and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
