dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
