i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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