It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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