he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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