I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the day after is always just damage control
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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