dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
