Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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