oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
