he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
