Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
